Sunday, July 22, 2007
Doctors said that whent hey removed five polyps from President Bush's "colon" (or asshole), one of them looked remarkably like Dick Cheney, the vice president who controls the White House.
They said that although all five were "benign," only the one that looked like Cheney appeared to be frightening and of concern.
From his operating table, on his stomach with his ass pillowed up in the air, Bush was reported to have mumbled, "Can you get Hillary out of there, too? She's been a bug up my ass since day one."
Each polyp was less than 1 centimeter in diameter, meaning they were probably caught before cancer could develop. The procedure took place at Camp David under the supervision of Bush's physician, Richard Tubb. But the one that looked like Cheney had an ugly scowl.
"Honestly, at first, we were afraid thet other polyps might have faces, too. We looked for Jesus but realized Jesus wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near Bush. Of course, neither would Mohammed, although one doctor said he thought one of the polyps looked like Mohammed, but then explained "Not Mohammed the Prophet, Praise Be Upon Him." The doctor was a Muslim from Afghanistan and former Taliban M*A*S*H unit commander until he was indoctrinated by the Pervez Mushharaf school for electrical re-education.
The doctor continued in his Pakistani accent, "I was talking about Mohammed, the guy who makes my falafel sandwiches. You Poobah Head."
Even Bush laughed. Although uncomfortably.
Cheney was at his Chesapeake Bay vacation home in Maryland about 30 miles outside Washington where, serving as the "acting president" Saturday morning for two hours and five minutes, he ordered the approval of more than $500 billion in Halliburton contracts in Iraq be approved for "fresh Turkeys."
Bush reclaimed his Presidential authority at 9:21 a.m. on Saturday and returned to watching reruns of All in the Family.
One newspaper reported, "The surest sign of that was Bush's plan for Saturday afternoon: a bike ride through the wooded hills of the presidential retreat." Of course, they did not mentioned that he was riding his bicycle without a seat on it, hoping to minimize Cheney's influence.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Blackmailer of New JerseyBeauty Queen Amy Polumbo launches official campaign to expose more embarrasing photos
The anonymous blackmailer of Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo -- who distributed embarassing photographs of the beauty queen -- launched a campaign to unmask the embarassing moments of other "role models."
Refusing to identify his or her real identity, and only going by the title "lowlife scumbag," the blackmailer eleased other photos of celebrities demanding they, too, resign from office:
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, posing with two California pyramids
Barack Obama, posing on the front cover of a disgracefully disgusting biased magazine
Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab that doesn't have a pocket for a cell phone -- so retro!
George W. Bush with Henry Kissinger -- we're not sure which of these liars should be more embarrassed