Carver of Pinocchio claims Iranian President is "lying wooden puppet" who vanished in 2003

(Disneyland, California, AP Breaking News) -- Geppetto, the impoverished Italian born in Florence in the mid-19th Century and who remains exploited till this day, declared from his new castle at DisneyWorld Europe that he believes that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, is in fact Pinocchio, his adoptive wooden son who disappeared many years ago.

"The resemblances are remarkable," Geppetto said from his silk-covered bed where he has remained as a recluse since his beloved mohagony son Pinocchio disappeared under mysterious circumstances related to Halliburton and the invasion of Iraq in March 19, 2003.

"Look at them. Ahmadinejad is a midget, maybe four feet tall. He lies through his wooden teeth much like Pinocchio who had a very difficult adolescence filled with exaggerations and storytelling. He was shunned by his generation of children who said he looked too stiff and had a head like a walnut. What? Ahmadinejad doesn't have the same," Geppetto said.

"Ahmadinejad and Pinicchio are the same. I can't wait to wrap my wrinkled arms around my boy and bring him back to sanity where fantasy and fiction dominate Western culture," Geppetto said between coughs, gags and Rothschild cigarettes.

Ahmadinejad's spokesman denied the claim, saying that Ahmadinejad was born in Tehran in 1950, acknowledging that he did change his first name from Maftool to Mahmoud because everyone said he was as crazy as a cookie. But, the spokesman, Tariq Aziz, who was the spokesman for the late dictator and Pinocchio fan Saddam Hussein, admited that President Ahmadinejad does wear elevated shoes with five inch high heels purchased from Porno star Jenna Jameson's "Hollywood Pimp Collection" to make him look taller.

But the strongest rebuke of the claim that he is really Pinocchio with a beard and schizophrenic personality came from Ahmadinejad himself, who declared. "Everyone knows that in the Islamic World, everything is backwards, much like in the Superman Comic Books series, Bizarro World. In the Islamic World, when we lie, our noses don't get longer. We start out with long noses. When we lie, our noses get shorter. Some of us lie to save money on Rhinoplastys and facial surgeries but my nose was always a little dinkle," Ahmadinejad insisted following his news conference where he announced he was releasing the 15 captive British sailors.

In the Superman comic series, Bizarro is the exact opposite of the rest of the world, someone who is held in great esteem in the Islamic World, the Arab World and in Israel where everything is not really what it seems. Even concrete is actually plyable chainlink fencing.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair issued a curt statement, "I am surprised. I didn't think that was Ahmadinejad's nose I had been stomping on."

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