Friday, April 13, 2007

Wolfie Wolfowitz says Saudi girlfriend was worth "every riyal"

Paul "Wolfie" Wolfowitz, the 61 year old married father of three who was named head of the World Bank as reward for developing the strategy that has placed American soldiers in such a winning position in Iraq, apologized for giving his Saudi girlfriend and "partner" promotions, pay increases and her own designer stapler at her World Bank job.

Wolfowitz tried to explain to a conference hall of World Bank officials and employees that he always lavishes his targets of affection with whatever gifts might be available, rather than pay for things out of his own pocket, saying that's what every frugal moneygrubbing banker should be doing, too. "Make the customers pay for the benefits we -- err, I enjoy."

But the thousands of World Bank employees booed Wolfowitz, with one yelling, "Why her, Brute? Why not meeeeeeeee?" Apparently, Wolfowitz's practices caused a rift among his employees who all felt they earned the right of his personal favors.

The controversy began when it became public knowledge that Wolfowitz personally intervened to secure a substantial pay raise for his girlfriend Shaha Riza, a bank employee, after Wolfowitz was first appointed president in 2005. Salaries at the bank are "tax free."

Riza's salary jumped wildly and ecstatically in screams of joy and bliss from an impoverished $132,660 to "only" $193,590.

Bank rules forbid couples from working together -- promtping Wolfowitz' defenders to argue, "They definitely were not working together!" Of course, the World Bank is supposed to also help poor countries, but instead has become the muscle behind Western imperialistic policies to force impoverished Third World countries to support US Policy at the United Nations.

The controversy surfaced last week when Wolfowitz used the same "Best Practice Strategies" that he used to lay the solid foundation for the invasion and War in Iraq. Asked about the violation of bank policy, Wolfowitz lied through his canines. And, he did so in a written memo that also made mention of aluminum tubing used by Saddam Hussein to build nuclear weapons.

As he always does, Wolfowitz blamed the problem on others, wondering aloud, "Is this all you can think about when Don Imus is calling beautiful Nubian basketball players nappy-headed hos? My God, I would have given those babes $300,000 pay raises had they played ball for me!"

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