Monday, April 9, 2007

Imus says he's just a sick muppet, apologizes for "nappy headed hos" remark

Nappy-headed radio talkshow ho Don Imus said he is sorry for picking on the wrong people when he called the Black female members of the Rutgers University women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos."

Imus said he is known for slandering all non-white people all the time on his nationally syndicated radio show, which is also simulcast on MSNBC. "How come Glenn Beck can slander non-white people and no one cares?"

But Imus quickly issued a mea culpa when Black leaders across the country demanded he be fired.

"Oh crap. I didn't know those nappy-headed hos actually listen to my radio show. Damn. I didn't know those people can afford radios or TVs. I never would have said that if I knew they listened to me. I'll go back to picking on Jews and Ay-rabs," Imus said.

Imus added, "Here's what I've learned: that you can't make fun of everybody, because some people don't deserve it. ... I'm a good person, but I said a bad thing."

Officials at MSNBC said they won't cancel Imus unless protests by Sharpton and the Rev. Jesse Jackson can actually undercut his popularity among stupid White People who like to watch a man who is a deadringer for a diseased muppet, who wears a cowboy hat and who speaks with a stupid southern accent. One MSNBC official said, "Well, we can't fire Imus. He's White. We don't do that kind of thing in America."

Imus also said he would repent in an interview on the afternoon talk show hosted by Black Rev. Al Sharpton who Imus once called "that nappy-haired ho."

Imus immediately received letters of support from David Duke, the Rev. Franklin Graham, the Rev. Jerry Falwell, and from the Rev. Jesse Jackson, who explained that he always tries to play both sides of an argument for personal gain. Iranian President Ahmedinejad also issued a statement in support of Imus saying, "Hakalajka, abu-mabumboo. Imus, funny ugly man. He make good wife someday. He one big beyoitch!"

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