Israelis celebrate independence with new citizenship label for Arabs

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud "Behind" Olmert announced that from now own Jews who are citizens of Israel would be referred to as "Jews," and all non-Jew citizens of Israel would be referred to as "Jew-ish."

"I think it is time that we clarified the true being of who is a Jew," said Olmert, who may be "ehud" in his own polls but is "behund" in most polls, drawing only 2 percent popularity, plus or minus 5 points.

"If you are Israeli and not a real Jew, then from now on, you will be called Jew-ish."

Olmert said the distinction is necessary because voters in many American states where using the term "Jewish" as an alternative for "Jew-like" in describing American politicians who pander to the AMerican Jew vote.

Asked if the change might create some awkwardness, "because calling Americans who are Jews 'Jew Americans' sounds rather harsh," Olmert replied, "It's about time Americans repaid us for all that we have been doing to help their country."

Immediately, Hameed Barbarawi, the spokesmen for Hamas said, "We denounce this anti-Semantics game of rheto ..." Barbarawi was not able to complete the sentence as he was immediately assassinated by Israeli agents at the press conference. Barbarawi was immediately replaced as Hamas spokesman by Abdul Ghafer Massuci, who said, "What Hameed Barbarawi was trying to say was that ..." And Massuci was immediately killed by Israeli agents, too. Massuci's successor, former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, continued the press conference by saying, "Whoa you Heeb bastards. I'm not an Ay-rab. I'm a peanut farmer. I just wrote one book you Jews hate and all of a sudden I',m your worst enemy. I hand you Egypt and Sadat on a platter and this is what I get just for saying the Apar ..." And Carter was immediately assassinated by the Israeli secret service, known as the SLAVATSKIS in honor of the founder of the Iranian secret service the SAVAK.

Olmert denied havign Carter killed, but explained, "If he were killed and if we did it, chances are the anti-Semitic peanut farmer deserved it. The word 'apartheid' is a heinous misuse of the English language and we reject it. We reject Carter. We reject the word apartheid. But, we do support peace with the Pales ..." and Olmert was assassinated by the Israel secret police.

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